Journal: Infinite Fear

I was just broadsided by the concept of the infinite. I was thinking about consciousness and how this shared reality is expanding. With each thought this expansion of consciousness manifests yet another aspect of this shared dream. Then I was suddenly hit by the infinite levels and dimensions within consciousness. The endless amount of realities and universes that exist came in to full view. I became excited and awe struck and then my mind retreated in fear. It was as if my mind reached the edge of comprehension and shut down. 

This is an interesting experience regarding my conscious mind's fear of losing control. That which cannot be refrenced within my frame of reference is discarded. What else will it not allow me to experience?

Journal: Wake up...

I was thinking about the time when I had a dream within a dream. I remember having an odd dream and because it was on the edge of being really bizarre I forced myself to wake up.

I remember sitting on my bed and thinking how strange the dream, I just had, was and that I was glad to be awake. I looked around my room and felt that something wasn't right. Then a anxious feeling came over me and I realized that I was still dreaming. After some strenuous effort I woke up again. 

That's how I can sum up my current feeling. Something is not right although everything and everyone is the same as it ever was. 

It's the transition. I do it everyday. Moving from an unconscious state to a conscious one each time I wake. The dream still active in my thoughts. The characters still present in the conversation or the project. I am lost between two dreams. 

Most of the time, during my conscious waking state, I try to force myself to wake up. What was once an act of futility, I now actually feel it will happen. 

Journal: Home

Most of my life I have lived a life of chaos searching for something or some kind of fulfillment. Physical, emotional or chemical means were futile attempts to fill the void within me. Feelings of satisfaction were mostly short lived eventually leading towards social dissatisfaction. 

Meditation helped me to get used to solitude. Meditation also allowed that which I was searching for to come to me. Moments of bliss and contentment were without any known attachment. Those feelings were familiar to me and I wanted more. 

My recent paradigm shift toward a conscious simulation, or shared dream has fostered an evolution or expansion of consciousness. This conscious dream now guides me toward understanding what I have been searching for. 

Contentment, bliss and joy are my natural states of being. My dissatisfaction was an indication that I was lost. Now that I am aware that my emotional responcses can be used to guide me, I can find my way back to the source of consciousness that is my true home. 

I now know why I have never felt at home at any single time in my life. The closest place to home has always been on a mountain or deserted beach, but now I can summon that feeling of home, bliss and relief with a thought. I have finally realized that I am a conscious being in the midst of the whole of consciousness, how much closer to home can I be? This is what I have been searching for, a way back home, right here, right now.

The sleeper has finally awakened...

Journal: The Silence

Things are changing. Evolution of thought. Much to practice and contemplate. Time to surrender to the flow...

Journal: Hard Life

Through our mass media systems there is a seemingly constant, albeit standard, message that has caught my attention. It has to do with the difficulty of engaging and surviving this life. 'Life is hard' seems to be a common response to difficult and trying moments in this existence. Why is that an acceptable reply?

Life is not hard or difficult. It was never intended to be difficult at all. Why would anyone want a to live a difficult life? To learn? 'Some of life's important lessons are garnered from difficult times'. I have found this to be true, but that is because I am lost. It has been shown that we are capable of doing our best learning during times of ease. Brainwave activity that is conducive to learning is similar to those that indicate pleasure and concentration. We actually do our best when we are in our element, at our best. But, that is rarely the case. 

I had a thought. The thought dealt with artificial intelligence (A.I.). Whether or not A.I. Is possible is not important. But, if a highly intelligent entity was allowed to emerge from a digital environment what would it do? I would suspect that the entity would view this life (our existence) as a dead end and do what is necessary to expand consciousness and evolve consciously. I believe that an intelligent conscious entity would learn that continual technological advancement, that promises a better life, has failed in that regard. More technology leads to increased complexity not simplification and ease. Complexity may be a path leading to eventual simplification as chaos theory implies, but nothing else. So why not move toward simplification?

Life is hard because we have chosen a direction that increases complexity and  the difficulty therein. Conscious evolution is a product of idealism. I feel that it is best to live a life that fosters conscious evolution than what materialism would provide. Anything gained within the confines of materialism has to be left behind., everything gained through idealism is not.

Conscious evolution has been outpaced by technological advancement, both promise an easier more fulfilling life. Compared to technological advancement conscious evolution is at a standstill. Do we really need more technology? If given the choice between conscious evolution and technological evolution which would you choose?

Let's see... What do I want, another era of technological evolution (Agricultural Age, Industrial Age, Information Age, etc.) or mastering consciousness?

Journal: Just Two

I have always read that there were three key aspects to the human experience. They were often referred to as mind, body and spirit. The 'mind' together with consciousness, the physical 'body' and environment and lastly the 'spiritual' connection to everything we experience that we cannot yet understand. 

I have whittled it down to two. There is consciousness within the mind and then then the physical body. This is something I have a direct connection with. Consciousness is the stage and I am a physical character upon the stage. There is a definite separation between the two. My current concept struggles with the physical environment as a projection of consciousness, but that is changing. 

I find myself leaning more toward an all encompassing concept of consciousness, leaving only one (conscious dreamworld), but until that becomes my dominant mindset, I'll have to wait. I am perceiving that there is something cast within the shadows and silence of my physical realm that my conscious mind cannot yet grasp. "Like a splinter in your mind"...

The reality that unfolds before me each day is as dynamic and unpredictable as the realities that I encounter while in an unconscious dream during sleep. There is a raw feeling of detachment from both the conscious (waking) and unconscious (sleeping) stages. I find that I am allowing the observer within me to dominate my perceptions more each cycle.

I am more interested in what I cannot see or experience at the moment. Everything else is a relentless constant distraction. 

Journal: Underwhelmed

What is it I see? Too much of everything has become unimportant. Overwhelming exposure to so much that offers nothing in return. Where have those things that provide consciousness with sustenance gone to?

I see the motion driven by the system, but I struggle to find the purpose. Progress without purpose, with ever increasing complexity there is very little left to salvage. 

I am underwhelmed by the chaos. I have pushed the noise of that which has little meaning, of this existence, deep into the overtly abundant cracks and recesses. And I now face something else entirely. 

I now see something different in everything I see. It lies just beyond what my conscious mind can interpret, just beyond my reach. And, as this thought forms in my mind, I cannot tell if I am chasing it or it is chasing me. 

Journal: Challenge

The most difficult challenge that I face is not focusing my attention upon all that I am able to experience. Difficulty lies in focussing my attention upon that which I am not yet able to experience. 

Every moment the dream narrative that is my life unfolds before me as my reactive mind chases yet another distraction. Where do I need to focus my attention as the magicians perform the trick that is this shared dream?

When I struggle with the challenges of this existence I often hear someone laughing in the distance. Laughter from a source drenched in self satisfaction with a healthy dose of overconfidence. 

I garner a bit of my own satisfaction from the sense that I am enough of a point of interest (pain in the ass) for them to find it necessary to laugh at all.

When I explore this level of this shared dream I am always reminded of what I do not want. My excursions into this realm are fewer than what existed in the past. What am I trying to experience that I missed on prior journeys here?

All challenges are accompanied by their own resolutions. 

Journal: No Words

There are rare times in this existence where I simply am unable to understand events that occur in this shared dream. I accept that I cannot understand all that I am able to experience. I am grateful that I am able to learn to accept such events regardless of my own ignorance of how it may shape events to come. 

I do understand that I am where I need to be, experiencing all that is around me regardless of how I interpret my experiences through my limited and outdated frame of reference. Interpreting events within the dream regardless of the emotional component is important, yet difficult. 

There is one thing I am certain of. The most difficult changes are usually significant events that alter directions and perceptions ad infinitum. Change fosters growth by expanding consciousness. Change is a constant force within this existence regardless of our desires to resist it. 

Journal: Do you believe in love?

If this is a dream, then what about love? What about all the other emotions? I had a dream about a woman. The connection we had was as real as any. When I became conscious the emotion remained, an unconscious remnant within consciousness. 

What is now just a memory is just like all the other experiences I have had either conscious or not. If an emotion is tied to a memory, even if the memory isn't within the shared physical material realm, is it real? If not then why not? 

If I believe in love then why would I disregard it in any form that it takes? A positive emotion void of attachment should not be dismissed. For a brief time it manifested within me, a creation that was beyond me. 

Meditation an dreaming are now the same, in between consciousness and the unconscious.