Saturday, January 28, 2017

Journal: Infinite Fear

I was just broadsided by the concept of the infinite. I was thinking about consciousness and how this shared reality is expanding. With each thought this expansion of consciousness manifests yet another aspect of this shared dream. Then I was suddenly hit by the infinite levels and dimensions within consciousness. The endless amount of realities and universes that exist came in to full view. I became excited and awe struck and then my mind retreated in fear. It was as if my mind reached the edge of comprehension and shut down. 

This is an interesting experience regarding my conscious mind's fear of losing control. That which cannot be refrenced within my frame of reference is discarded. What else will it not allow me to experience?

Monday, January 23, 2017

Journal: Wake up...

I was thinking about the time when I had a dream within a dream. I remember having an odd dream and because it was on the edge of being really bizarre I forced myself to wake up.

I remember sitting on my bed and thinking how strange the dream, I just had, was and that I was glad to be awake. I looked around my room and felt that something wasn't right. Then a anxious feeling came over me and I realized that I was still dreaming. After some strenuous effort I woke up again. 

That's how I can sum up my current feeling. Something is not right although everything and everyone is the same as it ever was. 

It's the transition. I do it everyday. Moving from an unconscious state to a conscious one each time I wake. The dream still active in my thoughts. The characters still present in the conversation or the project. I am lost between two dreams. 

Most of the time, during my conscious waking state, I try to force myself to wake up. What was once an act of futility, I now actually feel it will happen. 

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Journal: Home

Most of my life I have lived a life of chaos searching for something or some kind of fulfillment. Physical, emotional or chemical means were futile attempts to fill the void within me. Feelings of satisfaction were mostly short lived eventually leading towards social dissatisfaction. 

Meditation helped me to get used to solitude. Meditation also allowed that which I was searching for to come to me. Moments of bliss and contentment were without any known attachment. Those feelings were familiar to me and I wanted more. 

My recent paradigm shift toward a conscious simulation, or shared dream has fostered an evolution or expansion of consciousness. This conscious dream now guides me toward understanding what I have been searching for. 

Contentment, bliss and joy are my natural states of being. My dissatisfaction was an indication that I was lost. Now that I am aware that my emotional responcses can be used to guide me, I can find my way back to the source of consciousness that is my true home. 

I now know why I have never felt at home at any single time in my life. The closest place to home has always been on a mountain or deserted beach, but now I can summon that feeling of home, bliss and relief with a thought. I have finally realized that I am a conscious being in the midst of the whole of consciousness, how much closer to home can I be? This is what I have been searching for, a way back home, right here, right now.

The sleeper has finally awakened...

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Journal: The Silence

Things are changing. Evolution of thought. Much to practice and contemplate. Time to surrender to the flow...