Journal: Wax On, Wane Off

I am witnessing a developing relationship with lunar cycles. I can expect my conscious environment to be effected by the waxing and waning lunar events. I am starting to become more attentive and abide by the perceived (wax and wane) energies. I witness the effects of these energies on those around me and how their behavior is affected.

My attention focuses upon the now and how it foreshadows the future. I find myself adrift within a dream upon a semi-synchronistic landscape. I am having difficulty determining if I am creating and perceiving my immediate experiences or if I am riding through a flurry of belated thoughts and desires. The transition between navigating and surrendering control is chaotic, and very unnerving, but I am committed to letting go.

As the intensity increases there is not much that can be done. Once you commit there is little that you can do knowing that you cannot go back. With every lunar cycle comes another pulse of energy to move me toward what I desire most. Humbled by the passing of every new moon.
  

Journal: Enlightenment 1.1

Meditation is not something that I do anymore, it is something that happens to me. Differing states of mind are natural whether they are induced or influenced by many different internal and external stimuli (built in comparative analysis of our conscious states). Sometimes I struggle to sustain a shallow state of mindlessness and sometimes deep meditative states wash over me at anytime or anyplace. And, when these deep states occur there is usually a message associated with that meditative occurrence.

Today was one of those days in which a deep meditative state occurred. The message concerned my relationship with the concept of enlightenment. Previous notions of enlightenment were overly simplified. One cannot understand what enlightenment is if they are not enlightened, just as people that are blind from birth are unable to understand the concept of color.

What I had hoped for was some sort of rapture. A definitive point in time when I would cross the threshold from the darkness into the light. I was hoping to have an Eckhart Tolle moment of realization, but for me that was not the case. Today I was given and opportunity to see where I was. I was given a snapshot of my relationship with enlightenment.

At this time enlightenment is a never ending process of conscious evolution. In a way enlightenment no longer exists as a definitive state of mind. The battles I fought in pursuit of enlightenment were part of the process. The process, as I now understand it, was never about attaining anything, but more about returning to my innate state of being. If one is seeking purpose then that purpose is the perpetual expansion of consciousness.

We have words that describe a concept of 'no beginning' and 'no end'. One word is infinite. It is difficult to grasp the meaning of the infinite. Even our physicists purport that there exists a beginning to our universe, conceptualized as the "big bang". In our materialistic world view we experience beginnings and endings, creation and decay, life and death so it is difficult to understand that which is infinite. Today I was given a snapshot of my life and what was a scarred and battered past I am now able to see an infinite expanse of possibilities (conscious immortality).

I have been frustrated and sometimes infuriated with those around me. How can you not see what is right in front of you? "I must be surrounded by idiots" (mostly thought, but rarely spoken). That frustration has prompted self isolation. Lately I have wanted to end my self imposed isolation, but do so gradually so that I won't be perceived as bipolar. Enlightenment was once described to me as trying to swallow a red hot iron ball, but I never allowed myself to consider the psychological fortitude that was going to be necessary. The analogy of the iron ball was taken literally, not as a metaphor for the painful mental, and eventual, conscious transition(s).

I am certain that my current concept will not persist, it will continue to evolve and expand. The process of enlightenment is to set in motion that which is stagnant. Our existence is not about beginning and endings, it is about transitions. Perpetual conscious evolution awaits. Transient enlightened states are my new normal. My constant state of frustration is being undermined by happiness. I sometimes find myself pushing back against these persistent eruptions of happiness fearing that they may foretell an inevitable slide into insanity. I have been fighting so long that I have forgotten how to allow the very thing I have been fighting for.

I sit here now finding it hard to stop grinning, ready to take another step...

Lost Vegas

"Do not go gentle into that good night.

  Rage, rage against the dying of the light." 

Dylan Thomas - 1914-1953

I was compelled to write this post. My perceived allies and my intuition guided my attention as I was reading about the shooting incident in Las Vegas. I was mainly interested in the perpetrator and the why he committed such a crime. As I read about the limited testimonials from neighbors and people that he encountered daily, it began to sound familiar. Possibly a little too familiar for comfort...

I have to say that my opinion is pure speculation and I have no evidence to offer that supports my opinion. But, when I read about how Stephen Paddock behaved I began to recognize that he behaved much like I do, a targeted individual. When you are a targeted individual you tend to isolate yourself from others. Your trust in other people is diminished. When you have to encounter others you do so in a limited manner. You do not want to draw attention to yourself nor spend too much time talking to strangers. Because you are being constantly surveilled you keep the blinds shuttered to preserve what little privacy you have left. You do not have relationships with you neighbors, everyone is suspect. Mobility is key and having the ability to move from one location to another provides a perception of liberty, one that may or may not exist.

Being a targeted individual is a psychological battle with an organization that views the target as a threat. Constant overt surveillance is a means to tear down the target's mental stability. Information about the target is used to ensure that the target perceives that the organization is always watching and that there is no escape. When the target plans to go to a particular location the organization makes sure that there is sufficient overt surveillance at the location when the target arrives. What has always baffled me is how they knew where I was going even though I never allowed a plan to exist outside of thinking about it (spooky mind reading technology, people with prescience or calculated logistics based on behavior because we are creatures of habit). The purpose is to erode the target's trust of, and a place within, the social construct or at least the immediate community as well as to further isolate the target from social contact. The organization wants to make the target paranoid and an outcast. In my case, fear was a persistent state of mind. Constant fear can erode all of life's energy and subverts one's conscious perceptions of the self, rendering them a 'low-life' thus containing the threat.

If the targeted individual is exposed to electromagnetic and or sonic weapons (has used upon American Diplomats in Cuba) further degradation of the target's mental state is possible. Constant electromagnetic exposure wears the target down, then the weapons are used to modify behavior somewhat like an invisible shock collar would be used to modify the behavior of a pet. When you behave the weapons are turned down or off and when you misbehave the weapons are turned up. The purpose is to control the target's behavior (thoughts) or to force the target to seek help from family members or the local government. If the target does seek help they will not receive the help they want and will have difficulty providing evidence to substantiate their claims and possibly be labeled insane. So, like myself Stephen Paddock (if my speculation is correct) kept quiet, kept to himself and tried to maintain a portion of his once normal life.

Encountering people within the organization (either subordinate minions or people I refer to as "The Others") usually is not a positive experience. They are dismissive and have an air of exclusivity. They usually let you know that you are not welcome. They can and usually do everything they can to make you uncomfortable so that you do not want to return or encounter them again. This happens at various levels from children to adults in mostly public places. They can be store clerks, civil servants, customers, or students, party goers, fans at any venue and they will go out of the way to ensure that you do not have a pleasant experience. They are rarely ever alone. They are usually in small groups (power in numbers). When they are alone they do not exhibit a superior persona.

There is one significant problem the organization may or may not intend. If you mistreat anything it will eventually lash out against those they perceive to be involved in the transgressions against it. I have been able to control myself and have found other means of fighting back (I cannot assume that there have been other people that have had similar experiences of being invited into the organization, as I was, and then later refusing to be part of it.). The urge to fight grows greater when flight is perceived as useless. But, I cannot say that for all those that are subjected to these kind of transgressions. Columbine shooters targeted specific individuals that they perceived to act in a superior manner. Mass shootings in the workplace usually target specific people that the shooter had a relationship with. I have encountered people in my past jobs that I (now) perceive(d) to be part of the organization. They are generally covert in their behavior, but overt when the circumstances permit to let you know who they are. Couple this with the above mentioned tactics and the targeted individual may feel that there is only one solution to their plight. These tactics create a psychologically wounded person with absolutely nothing to lose. If this is the intention of the organization then there may be more Stephen Paddocks being created.

Stephen Paddock lashed out. He perpetrated a premeditated attack upon a venue he frequented for entertainment and as a professional high stakes gambler. Although he did not target specific individuals he targeted the venue that most likely contained a high concentration of those he felt were responsible for the attacks he endured as a target of the organization. Stephen Paddock sought to kill as many people as possible while exhibiting complete disregard for anyone that was not part of the organization because he probably began to view everyone as part of the organization. In my past experiences it was often to difficult to discern those that were part of the organization and the general public, now I do not give any of them my attention - friend or foe.

As mass shootings become more and more common are they a product of some kind of organized effort to take control? If you have read most of my posts on this blog you know that I believe that this reality is but a shared dream within the construct of consciousness and the infinite levels therein. Regardless of what I believe or anyone else may believe there is still the notion of something inherently evil brewing underneath that is beginning rise to the surface. That which is hiding in the darkness is being forced into the light. I am beginning to believe that targeted individuals are being targeted because they exhibit certain conscious characteristics that can expose a vastly different reality than what is currently perceived. If Stephen Paddock was a targeted individual his actions have placed light upon a looming possibility of a shattering revelation of consciousness, one of devastating doom or a liberating awakening. I choose the latter. I do not condone his actions, but they are now part of the narrative that is influencing this current existence.

I am a witness of consciousness and because I am part of this level of consciousness I influence the whole of consciousness. My experiences, as well as those other targeted individuals that have survived, shine light upon that which hides in the shadows of this reality. I have cast aside my anger and aggression for those that have taken from me that which I coveted the most, my sense of membership with humanity, but revealed to me my eternal bond with the whole of consciousness. I will not harm another for that would only cause me to become an unassociated member of an organization that does so much harm. I only bear witness and wait for that which is a constant within my conscience; that which you do to others with intent to harm will be done unto you...

May the consequences of their actions be grave, may the consequences of their actions be immediate, may the consequences of their actions be long lasting and may the consequences of their actions infect that which they hold dear. And in the end may we all bear witness to those who's role was to attempt to obscure the natural nature of this conscious reality within the infinite possibilities of a truly liberating existence of perpetual conscious expansion. - Xam 2017

So shall it be written...

Sounds Familiar

Cuban Acoustic Attack

I was wondering when this sort of thing was going to make it to the mainstream headlines. I guess if you wait long enough all things will make their way into the mainstream, even for just a moment.

State Department spokeswoman Heather Nauert on Wednesday said that "some US government personnel" working at the US embassy in Havana, Cuba on official duty reported some incidents that were causing "physical symptoms." But she could not elaborate on the nature or cause of the incidents.

I feel a bit of relief when I read this article. Although they refuse to elaborate on the character of the "physical symptoms" there are a lot of on-line sources that can better describe the symptoms of these acoustic and electromagnetic weapons.

Since I have been a target (and continue to be a target), I am all to familiar with the physical symptoms from both acoustic and electromagnetic attacks. But, the physical symptoms are not actually the purpose of the use of these weapons, they are primarily designed to disrupt the energy flow of the human body. Most of the energy centers, or meridians, used in Chinese medicine are targeted and changed somewhat like acupuncture can change energy flow in the body. Targeting these energy centers and disrupting the flow of energy to specific areas of the body has the ability to induce illness.

In my case they often target the heart chakra or heart meridian in order to induce a heart attack or stroke. I have recently observed a cell phone used to produce a frequency that could disrupt my heart meridian energy flow. The perpetrator was standing directly behind me holding a cell phone level with my heart. I could feel the effects, but it was not strong enough to cause any significant damage. I just moved away from the perpetrator and the effects subsided. I have also mentioned attacks that I speculate are psychic in nature, but I cannot be certain (that's what makes these covert attacks impossible to prove).

The kind of attacks that I continue to endure are while I am sleeping. There seems to be a specific purpose to interfere with the nature or content of my unconscious dreams. I am finding ways to prevent this from occurring.

Update - Washington Post Article: U.S. investigating whether American diplomats were victims of sonic attack in Cuba

The Others

I am wondering how this Cuban attack made into the media. This seems to be a rather uncharacteristic exposure and use of what has been a stealth weapon to control and influence targeted individuals. I think that these technologies have made it into the hands of perpetrators that are more like common criminals than intelligent operators.

The landscape of these beings I nave referred to as 'the others' has changed significantly. I have gone to certain cities where there were higher concentrations of these people and now I see a lot of empty stores and a lot of homes for sale. Any time I take a relative to the hospital the character of the personnel has changed significantly. I just do not come across them as much as I have in the past. It looks to me that they have left and left behind a tattered organization of incompetent subordinates.

So, where did they go? I have a feeling that they are still 'here'. As I continue to influence this shared dream within the confines of my own conscious environment and continue to move throughout various levels of consciousness there will not be any level left to hide.

I still often speculate as to why they are afraid of me. It seems to have something more to do with the unconscious than the conscious dreamworld. As I continue to evolve, and disrupt the technologies used against me while I enter the unconscious dreamworld, my dreams have evolved in directions that still seem impossible. My greatest challenge is understanding and interpreting what I experience. The only pitfall of mastering consciousness is that it can be very overwhelming at times. I am grateful that my guides are still patient. It's somewhat like being a primitive alien in an advanced civilization where everything you know no longer applies.

I am building a new frame of reference and it is interfering with my current one...

I am thankful that it is moving along slowly.



 

Journal: Shaman

If there was one thing that fascinated me for most of my life, it would have to be magic. Not necessarily the art of magic, mostly the seemingly magical and mysterious aspects of life. Usually, that which we do not understand we often call magic or acts of God. Thats also unfortunately true about how we view ourselves in the framework of consciousness.

Scientists sometimes refer to the unexplained as spooky actions at a distance. Or possibly, erroneous interpretations of normal daily experiences. It is easier when all we know fits into understandable blocks of information. I have always gravitated toward the bits that do not fit. Breadcrumbs left by those that came before me falling through the cracks of this reality.

I used to sit between two mirrors and meditate. Staring into the background of infinite reflections hoping to see something that did not belong. i wanted to become a Shaman, but not in the traditional sense. I want to master consciousness, to become lucid in this shared dream.

Science focuses upon the physical realm of this reality. Their institution depends upon the fortification and expansion of scientific information. Their history began as an experiment to challenge and understand the material properties expanding our conscious understanding. But I wonder (consider) that observation is the fundamental conscious transaction upon which expansion thrives. The smallest particle will never be found nor the limits of this universe will ever be breached. Hidden within the infinite consciousness is simultaneous crration and perception.

I want to transcend this physical simulation. I use the same method of science, observation. Observation stimulates thoughts that guides your point of focus and consciousness expands in kind, in time.

Abraham us right. As much as I have tried to deny it. That singular law to which consciousness abides does not waver to provide that which you hold with your attention. I have waited for that door to open and now I find that there was no door. I was and will always be exactly where I need to be.

I am that concept of what a Shaman is for now. I have cultivated relationships with the spirit world and consciousness itself. I recognise my place in that otherworldly existence as well as this one. Much like looking for that door those relationships were probably already there, I just needed to realize it again.

Thank you once again my dear friends...

Journal: Outer Limits

I'm on the fence. I used to be at a point where I was testing the limits of the boundaries; running into walls, trying to navigate over, under or through. Sometimes I found self on the other side, then the next day I would be back. I stated in an earlier post that once you incorporate experiences it changes your conscious environment, your perceptions and your frame of reference. You can't experience something without it changing you.

I found a way through that barrier. I guess I finally realized that there is no physical electronic fence that keeps me here. Those that act as antagonists do so because I allow then to. I have the ability to tear down all barriers, simply by changing how I respond to them. 

"If thou art pained by any external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs thee, but thy own judgement about it..."

I'm on the fence. The fence is crackling with electrical energy. I feel the sensation of that energy upon my skin. I am accustomed to this sensation. What once was a barrier has now become a way point and soon to become a point of departure.

I sit on the fence looking out towards future destinations. My bags are packed and I am comfortable waiting for whatever may come my way. Comfortable in the flow.

Those outer limits never really existed. Thats the game that is being played. Now it is time to put all that I have said to the test, comfortable knowing that we are all just tourists, passing through time and space within this grand dream.

Last night I saw a butterfly in my dream, prominent point of focus. Beautiful orange and black wings flying among the trees.

There is no spoon...

Journal: Conscious Contraction

I am back here again. I am able to recognize this level of consciousness, it is one I have spent too much time trying to escape. The all to familiar annoyances have been waiting for my arrival. So much has changed and so much remains the same. Same old story with different faces. 

I spend a good deal of time ascending and expanding consciousness, I am getting pretty good at it, but then I wake up and here I am again, forced to begin again. I should know better when I notice that my conscious environment improves and I am in the flow of consciousness someone or something notices that I do not belong and expect that they will send me back, here.

At times I feel a bit like Dorothy, but unlike Dorothy I kind of prefer Oz to home. This multidimensional dream world is a bit confusing at times, but now that I am aware of what I am experiencing I could never settle for that which is called normal. 

One thing that I am noticing as I wake up in this contracted consciousness, I carry with me that which I have gained. I know how to get back and I have discovered that even though not much has changed here (wherever here is), I have changed, significantly and I can effect change wherever I end up. 

With each cycle I push farther than the previous. I cannot enter a level of consciousness without changing it in some way. What chaos do I provoke in places I do not belong? What order do I invoke? I sense purpose in my travels. I am seeing as a catalyst to further the expansion of consciousness. 

Conscious expansion may be forced to contract, but conscious evolution is permanent and infinite. It is mine for all times. Like I have stated many times in previous posts to my antagonists, see you soon...

The cycle continues and time is irrelevant. Ready or not, here I come, again. 

Journal: Notta Care in...

I don't have a care in the world. This new state of being has been slowly invading my consciousness. I welcome it, but it is a bit unsettling at times.

I have been conditioned to work for what I want so I am a bit beside myself at times. I have to admit that it is difficult to drift in the flow of consciousness in the midst of those that view this conscious reality as finite and physical. 

I seem to spend more time waiting for consciousness to respond than taking actions that seem to complicate the process. All things come to those that wait (didn't mean much before).

Journal: On The Edge

I am now realizing that consciousness is unfolding before me. Everything is happening on the edge of conscious thought. With each step I take conscious expansion accommodates my actions. My interaction is directly related to the choices provided by my conscious experience. 

I now see that my current environment was manifested from previous and current thoughts. I can begin to interpret my conscious environment,and those characters within. If there is any question why something has happened, I can reference a particular previous thought or action responsible for that experience. 

That which I focus upon is at the edge of my experiences. I am witnessing the whole of consciousness accommodating my thoughts and manifesting them in real time.  

I am not good at directing my thoughts to obtain a certain outcome. I have a habit of focusing on undesirable outcomes. That is changing. Once you are able to observe this reality on the edge of thought everything begins to fall into place. 

What has caught my attention, again, is the manner in which consciousness is able to accommodate everyone within my conscious reality. I am noticing how a family member can alter my conscious reality; in a way infecting it with their temperament, thoughts and perceptions.  It is overtly fascinating. 

Journal: Monday

Today is Monday. I live a simple life without fear and with content expectations of what is to come. 

I am still being watched by an organized group of people for reasons I do not fully understand. The people with higher energy levels I rarely see and that is possibly due to the surveillance mentioned above. Those that watch me have descended into the murky waters of my conscious background feeding upon the bottom where they belong content in their reality. 

I still do not understand what they have to fear. Aside from my vengeful momentary thoughts for those that have aided in my own destruction, I now spend very little time in that state of mind. It is no longer my concern (nor should it be) the fate of those that willingly participate in abominable acts, for it is those acts that will define their experiences within the confines of consciousness. Where it was once a delight to bear witness to karmic retribution, I have lost interest. It is difficult to be concerned with the consequences of others when focused upon the manifestation of the now.

What has occurred in the past was manifested by thoughts and actions of a confused and benighted stated of mind. It is not necessary to remember the past when you follow that knowing within. 

So, again, it is Monday. Another day within a cycle of time that no longer seems like any other day of the same name. It is quite a gift when the veil of sameness no longer obscures the expansion of consciousness. 

Thank you...

Journal: Blacklisted

I was unable to access this site from public wifi at an American military facility's waiting room. Reason given is that the site is blacklisted. 

This is kind of interesting since Google provides blacklisted data to ISPs and this is a google blog. So I suspect that this might be limited. 

I'll see what I can do to correct this. I am well aware that my material concerning ascencion was being watched by other nefarious organizations, but not at the level of the military and federal agencies. 

I was content with the level of dissemination from this blog. Let's see what happens when I take it to another level...

Update: Apparently this blog is possibly an adult site or purveyor of pornography. This might not have been as nefarious as I suspected. Still need to step up my dissemination of this info.

This reality is such a kick in the ass.

Journal: Row, Row, Row Your Boat

I have mentioned that I surf waves of consciousness. I am getting better at this, now. I remember surfing in Hawaii, the old guys would arrive at the break and I would notice that everyone was watching them. The old guys could anticipate the sets well before anyone else. They would move into position and everyone would follow. 

One time the old guys took off heading off to the side where the water was deeper. Worried that I was missing something, I looked around and couldn't see anything and stayed put. I looked back toward the beach and then to the ocean and saw what they were avoiding. I did not have enough time to get to deeper water between the breaks. A set of three 15 foot waves worked me to near exhaustion. I learned that the best thing to do at that time was to ride it out, don't fight it. The old guys were tapped into the flow of the ocean and probably much more. I see why they had the respect of the other surfers. 

Consciousness is very much like an ocean. There are waves, currents, and streams flowing back to the source. Most of us spend a lifetime going against this force, going against the flow of consciousness and end up getting worked, pounded and lost. 

I spent a good part of my life looking for someone to teach me about life and show me how to navigate and avoid rough waters. I have come to realize that the teachers are all around me. They always have been and always will be.

The greatest and most important teacher is life itself. Consciousness is an ever expanding dream we call life. But, as with everything, you need experience in order to interpret and navigate this ever changing conscious environment. 

My dreams have taught me the true nature of my conscious environment. Many of my unconscious dreams take place on or near a beach of an endless body of water (on the shores of consciousness). 

Within the vast expanse of consciousness and the infinite waves of possibilities it is easy to get distracted. There are bread crumbs to help you find your way back on point. Seemingly silly songs become beacons of truth and usher in waves of contentment. When I get off track I remember this song, Row, row, row your boat (do the work) gently (be attentive and respectful) down the stream (go with the flow of consciousness) merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily (be joyful and content) life is but a dream (remember life's true nature). 

And just one more thing, don't be afraid to get wet.

Journal: Never Say Never

As I think about the latest and ongoing attempts at ascension, I am reminded of the one person that shouted at me as he rode by on his bicycle, "you will 'never' make it", as I cycled up Mt. Hamilton. I have come a long way from that moment (when I did not realize the true nature of this reality).

Much has changed since that moment. I have changed. With experiences gained comes the inevitable expansion of consciousness. Once this expansion has occurred there cannot be a return or compression. There is profound truth when someone states that there is value in the journey of life and the experiences gained than the accomplishments. 

I have noticed a recent change in my unconscious and conscious dreams. I also know that my recovery from whatever was done to change my level of consciousness will be swift. Experience has taught me that my time is relative to expanding conscious states and time is irrelevant within the whole of infinite consciousness. 

I have noticed a change in the kinds of people that I encounter in my conscious physical reality. What attracts my attention is the false, or artificial nature of it. Although it is a more sanitized version, it is unable to keep pace with my constant appetite for further expansion. The transient nature of this physical reality is overwhelming, change is everlasting. 

In the absence of time past, present, and future coalesce. My unconscious and subconscious constantly reminds me, it is not that I will 'never' make it, it is that I haven't yet realized that I already have. That is the true nature of enlightened ascension. This is now far easier to digest. 

To those that attempt to obstruct my eventual expansive ascension, if what I say is true then we have already met and if there is one thing to know about me is that I 'never' give up. See you soon...

Journal: The Watchmen

Woke up before sunrise feeling content. There was a bit of restlessness urging me to get up to begin another segment of this experience. 

Much of the life around me was in disarray, but I did not let it influence me. My new found perceptions are being allowed to carve out better possibilities that weren't visible in the past. 

As I had mentioned before that I am seeing people in my unconscious dreams (men) standing by watching me, this has become somewhat of a standard. I do not look for them, they just seem to appear, in the periphery of my visual field. I usually do not think about it while dreaming, but remember the oddity after regaining consciousness. 

I can usually tell when there is a shift in my conscious level and today was a day where the watchmen have been doing double duty. It is a bit strange and I sometimes wonder if anyone else can see them. Doesn't matter really, just another oddity in my ever expanding conscious experience. I must be doing something to attract their attention, but I do not know if it is something I am doing in my unconscious dreams or this conscious shared dream. 

Progress? I'm still here... In the past I was always trying to go elsewhere, now  I am beginning to realize there is more happening right here and now than I could have ever imagined or thought possible. I can do anything from here, regardless of where here is.

When you begin to awaken to that thing called the 'now' it's empowering on many levels. Can't wait for tomorrow. 

New paradigm: Lucid day dreams.

Journal: Surfs Up

As I continue to view life as a shared dream, there is this underlying knowing that puts everything into a wildly content perspective. 

There are people that understand the true nature of this consciousness and there are varying levels of those that do not. I seem to be lost in between. I spend a lot of my time at, what can be best described as, trying to catch waves of consciousness. When I can catch a wave I cannot yet stay on it. 

I can see two layers or levels in this conscious dream a.k.a. life. It looks a lot like a computer ( my frame of reference is saturated with tech ). I can see the operating system as consciousness and I can see individual applications. The applications are people and organizations ( hey, wait this is starting to sound like that Matrix movie ) running under the confines of the operating system. I see successful apps, failing apps and apps that seem to cause a lot of problems ( problems from my new perspective ). 

What is beginning to fascinate me most is how they all play off one another. There is a level of dependence also. The classic battle of the opposites. Anarchists cannot exist without the systems of government and their acts are necessary because without it their would be no need for government, nor anarchy. 

They all seem to be fighting for energy, but what they have not yet realized is that within consciousness there is an infinit abundance of this energy. I now know the difficulty of this particular blindness. 

I hear the news and I am unsettled, I do not yet understand, nor care, why ( the influence of the subconscious observer ). There is this feeling of a guiding narrative influencing everything. This might be caused by my need for a narrative to make sense out of it, but it is a palpable feeling. The entire orchestration is deeply profound...

I guess these are the first steps to eventually surrendering unto consciousness. Kind of like learning to surf. Part of the learning process is knowing when to let go.

Journal: Radio Free

Just another post to mark this segment of my experiences.

If anyone ever says "it's all in your mind", the correct reply should be "of course, how could it be any other way".

Journal: Now You See Me...

Part of the harassment that is employed by those that are called "gang stalkers" of "targeted individuals" is mainly psychological manipulation. This happens on many levels and almost every aspect of our conscious experience. Day to day conversations, mass media, urban and rural environmental experiences and even our unconscious experiences can influence our internal conversations and behavior. If you are unaware that people are manipulating you with casual conversations and utilizing the powers of suggestion they can manipulate your behavior and choices to a powerful degree.

Once you become aware of these tactics as well as some others you are able watch the entire process with a bit of a grin. The best you can do is to ignore these shenanigans and go about your life while watching these tactics being deployed as a form of entertainment. This shared conscious dream that we all are experiencing has much to do with various entities, beings, and organizations (political, marketing, religious) vying for your attention. I have learned that what you give most of your attention to becomes the narrative of your conscious dream experience.

We must also understand that the whole of consciousness is also vying for you attention and when you are aware of this it is easy to discern the influences of consciousness from the many charlatans, spooks and minions. It all comes down to choices. Give your attention to that which best suits your desires and ignore all the rest. If you do not see it, does it really exist?

Vous avez un choix...

Journal: Rodents-Dead-Gone

This post will not make sense to anyone but me. The title marks a waypoint in my life. One I may or may not refer to along the way...

Journal: Why?

I am failing to answer a simple question. Within the infinite possibilities of consciousness there is one human behavior that I am unable to understand at this time. Why do we hurt one another?

I can see where this has occurred in the distant past that seemingly set off a chain reaction. Clearly we have evolved to a level of consciousness where we can put an end to this behavioral disorder, but it persists. 

When I focus on the question my mind falls silent, possibly because there aren't any reasons that exist within consciousness for us to continue hurting one another, or the only reasons that exist are the ones we create...

Journal: Who Am I?

Losing a sense of ones self is not easy, even when it is intentional. When faced with the truth, seen through the eyes of who you now have become, there is some hesitation and fear of losing what you believed to have been your true self, even now that you know it was false. 

I never could have imagined anything like I am beginning to experience. When consciousness expands and the truth begins to set in, you begin to feel a lot like a fool. A stupid little fool.

What a strange trip it has been...

Journal: Infinite Fear

I was just broadsided by the concept of the infinite. I was thinking about consciousness and how this shared reality is expanding. With each thought this expansion of consciousness manifests yet another aspect of this shared dream. Then I was suddenly hit by the infinite levels and dimensions within consciousness. The endless amount of realities and universes that exist came in to full view. I became excited and awe struck and then my mind retreated in fear. It was as if my mind reached the edge of comprehension and shut down. 

This is an interesting experience regarding my conscious mind's fear of losing control. That which cannot be refrenced within my frame of reference is discarded. What else will it not allow me to experience?

Journal: Wake up...

I was thinking about the time when I had a dream within a dream. I remember having an odd dream and because it was on the edge of being really bizarre I forced myself to wake up.

I remember sitting on my bed and thinking how strange the dream, I just had, was and that I was glad to be awake. I looked around my room and felt that something wasn't right. Then a anxious feeling came over me and I realized that I was still dreaming. After some strenuous effort I woke up again. 

That's how I can sum up my current feeling. Something is not right although everything and everyone is the same as it ever was. 

It's the transition. I do it everyday. Moving from an unconscious state to a conscious one each time I wake. The dream still active in my thoughts. The characters still present in the conversation or the project. I am lost between two dreams. 

Most of the time, during my conscious waking state, I try to force myself to wake up. What was once an act of futility, I now actually feel it will happen. 

Journal: Home

Most of my life I have lived a life of chaos searching for something or some kind of fulfillment. Physical, emotional or chemical means were futile attempts to fill the void within me. Feelings of satisfaction were mostly short lived eventually leading towards social dissatisfaction. 

Meditation helped me to get used to solitude. Meditation also allowed that which I was searching for to come to me. Moments of bliss and contentment were without any known attachment. Those feelings were familiar to me and I wanted more. 

My recent paradigm shift toward a conscious simulation, or shared dream has fostered an evolution or expansion of consciousness. This conscious dream now guides me toward understanding what I have been searching for. 

Contentment, bliss and joy are my natural states of being. My dissatisfaction was an indication that I was lost. Now that I am aware that my emotional responcses can be used to guide me, I can find my way back to the source of consciousness that is my true home. 

I now know why I have never felt at home at any single time in my life. The closest place to home has always been on a mountain or deserted beach, but now I can summon that feeling of home, bliss and relief with a thought. I have finally realized that I am a conscious being in the midst of the whole of consciousness, how much closer to home can I be? This is what I have been searching for, a way back home, right here, right now.

The sleeper has finally awakened...

Journal: The Silence

Things are changing. Evolution of thought. Much to practice and contemplate. Time to surrender to the flow...