Posts from original blog www.i-am-xam.com/blog.html.
06.13.11 - I have been feeling pretty good lately and have entered my feelings into my journal and video journal. Every time I make an entry concerning my positive emotional state my captors turn up the electromagnetic radiation and focus it on my head whenever I am at home. I really don't have to make an entry, I just think about making an entry or think about the next blog post and they will ratchet up the radiation. I believe they do this in an attempt to keep me in a perpetual state of negativity and depression, but I'm not going to allow this to continue. I am now waking up and having a good day regardless of how I may be feeling. I am tired of feeling helpless.
A couple of weeks ago, when I was going through an emotional period, as posted on 06.06.11, the radiation was minimal. I know that when I do very little to oppose them they leave me alone. When I post on my blogs and contact people online the radiation starts to increase. This is a classic behavioral conditioning experiment, pain and discomfort when I am disobedient and relief when I am compliant. I have always been overly sensitive to changes in my environment, I have to wonder if this sort of conditioning might be happening to others that are not so sensitive. I try to steer clear of a grand conspiracy to control the masses, but my experiences make me believe that this sort of thing may be going on. It is effective. I have modified my behavior. It is difficult not to since they know everything I do. Regardless of my modified behavior, I'm still looking for a way out. I still have hope that this will end soon.
I am always looking to make some changes that would allow me to move to another location, but I have to make sure that the landlord is not associated with the people I call the Nameless. I now realize that the last 2-3 places that I have rented were associated, owned or managed by the Nameless. I just can't figure out how this is possible. Their ability to contain and control me in this way is still hard for me to believe. Until I can make some contacts that I can trust and feel that I can escape them, I'll have to stay put. I can't be sure that the next place I move will be any better or worse than my current place. I can't risk endangering any of my family members, by moving in with them. Right now, I'm their lab rat in this strange experiment that is my life.
06.14.11 - The device that I mentioned in a past post was also something I used to keep the Nameless from attacking me. I found that they would not attack me when I carried and active device on me. The Nameless seem to have a way to detect the energy from the device. I do not know if the energy is harmful to them, but they will stay clear of it. Initially they would not come around at all, but they adapted somehow. Some of them were still able to do whatever they do to attack me, but the amount of time they were able to stand by me was decreased due to the energy emitted by the device. I was also at a lower energy level at that time and I interpreted my conscious environment in a different way. Using the device has allowed me to raise my energy level and rise to a higher level within my current level of consciousness. As I maintain this level of energy I am finding that I am better able to survive any attacks. I am also noticing that there are not as many of them around. What I am beginning to understand is that the aetheric energy from the device is restoring my subtle luminous energy or aura. The radiation that I feel on a daily basis in my apartment diminishes that subtle luminous energy. As I have stated before, they try and take away whatever I can replenish. I am beginning believe that our modern technological environment is responsible for diminished levels of subtle luminous energy in everyone. I am now wondering if this is not a coincidence.Another interesting thing that I have noticed about the people that are watching me. When I am able to identify them as the Nameless or their minions, I may see them one more time, but then I won't see them anymore. It is a strange game they are playing. They can be very obvious and we will look at each other from a distance, somehow acknowledging that we know what is going on. I have seen all types of people, young and old men, women and even young men that try to blend in with some sort of maintenance uniform (like the ones I saw today). They all stand out in my conscious environment, I can sense them is some way. Once I have noticed them watching me I rarely ever see them again. Why? This is a good thing, in a way, because if I was delusional I would be seeing the same people all the time. Either that or my delusion might have an extensive range of characters to draw from. The one exception to this scenario is my neighbor, unfortunately he is still here. With all that I have experienced concerning the people I call the Nameless, I still have a hard time understanding what is going on. I still have a feeling that all that I am experiencing is not real. Just the other day, I tried to force myself to wake up. It was just like I do when I am having a bad dream, but nothing happened, nothing changed...
I have been reading the Bardo Thodol (Tibetan book of the Dead) and the Egyptian Book of the Dead. I can't help feeling that these people are the demons that are sent to torment me during my transition. I do not know how many of them I have identified, but there can't be too many more left. The demons have shown me my own ugliness and I have changed because of it. What now? I am not looking to reincarnate, I am still searching for enlightenment.
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