Posts from original blog www.i-am-xam.com/blog.html.
06.25.11 - I have found evidence that my email has been hacked by someone. Good to know that I am not completely paranoid. There have been a number of email messages that were deleted before I had a chance to read them. If any of you have sent email asking questions or offering assistance and you did not receive a reply please resend the message. I am working with my ISP to prevent this from happening again. Again I'd like to thank all of you that have sent, and continue to send, me support and love.
06.29.11 - I am pretty amazed at the level of meditation I am able to achieve after a short time working with the Flower of Life mandala. I am reaching level of silence I have been unable to reach since my relationship with the Nameless took on a more sinister character.
I have noticed some changes in my habits and attitude that seem to originate from my own will. I find myself doing the right things automatically with out much resistance. It is strange to see myself taking these small steps in the right direction. The self talk has taken on a different character and I am finding that within myself is a more compassionate personality. Today I looked into the mirror and saw myself differently. For the first time in a very long time, I actually liked what I saw. There is something I can now see in my own eyes that was missing. It is familiar to me. Like seeing an old childhood friend for the first time in a very long time.
I have recently read that the FOL brings about a closer connection with your true self as the ego begins to relinquish control. I have always had a difficult time with the ego. Many times I have beaten it back only to have it resurface again, and now it seems a bit easier to keep the ego at bay. The first few days using the FOL mandala were not so smooth as I found it difficult to adjust to what I was feeling, but now it looks as if that period may be over. I need to spend more time with the FOL. I have spent over ten years working with the Sri Yantra mandala. I don't remember making a lot of progress with it in such a short amount of time. The FOL is very different, profoundly different.
My more recent research into the holographic universe and the Kabbalah has caused my assailants to turn up the radiation the past couple of days. Even though I had always believed that reality is an illusion of our perceived world, it did not hit as hard as it has hit me lately. The part that states that we are all one consciousness within a small space in time is beginning to make far too much sense to me. The whole concept is starting to come together in a very different way for me. Right now I trying to readjust my perceptions to match this concept, again. I feel like it is on the tip of my tongue, so to speak. More to come for sure.
They are making things difficult for me, but I still have a feeling that I will come throughs this a better person. I am very grateful for this information that I am able to share with all of you.
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